Lead me not into temptation I can find it myself.

We'll go to hell for this but at least we had a good time.


So where am I anyway?
on phone
dozy_wonderer
Peekaboo.

Feeling a bit miserable right now.
on phone
dozy_wonderer
I know what I have to do, I just don't know how to do it.

*Crawls into mouse hole and hides until it's safe*
on phone
dozy_wonderer

I've been getting in contact with people from Australia again and Brad by far, scared the shit out of me more than the general worry and concern I have for everyone else. He rang me and his opening line was, "you are one fucking stupid woman" Than he ranted/yelled at me because somehow it was my fault that he kept on dialing my number wrong and it took him three months to figure it out.

He hadn't said who he was so I thought he was Ash and I thought Ash was angry at me, like, REALLY angry at me because he (ash) would never talk to me like that. So hurt and confused and stoned and tired (because it was late at night) I tried to ask nicely and gently what was wrong in a way that I would to Ash, because my first and only assumption on being spoken to as rudely and viciously as I thought ash had, was that something had gone horribly horribly wrong. Like, worse than life and death horribly wrong, just horrible.

Anyway, Brad sais to me, "Drugs man. Fucking drugs." And I STILL think he's Ash because Ash is the only one who calls me, and than I started to get really upset because I thought Ash was jumping down my neck about marijuana (which is not his style, so again, strange) and so I say to Brad, "What the FUCK is wrong with you dude?? WHY are you talking to me like that? Is something wrong??"  

Brad, the fucking dipshit that he is sais, "No. Why would anything be wrong?" Than I'm more confused.
Than I think, Ash is not the kind of person who would act like a dipshit.
Than I think, the only person I know who would insist on being this rude is.....BRAD *click* And the light goes on.

I say, "OH MY FUCKING GOD. THIS IS BRAD??"
"yeh?"
"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU CHOSE YOUR OPENING LINE TO BE, YOU ARE ONE FUCKING STUPID WOMAN??"
"I dunno." Than he laughs. He thinks he's very funny.

Than I hang up on him.

Dearest friends from Australia.
Please don't scare me away before I even get back. I've missed you for to long.

I was never a dummy child.
on phone
dozy_wonderer

The closest I got to it was nibbling on the cord from my hooded jumpers, and chewing holes in my sleeves. That started when my mother married again. Than it changed to biting my nails. Now my guitar keeps my nails short. And there's usually blood spatters on the body and strings.

I should clean that off at some point.

Today I invested in a dummy. I attached it to my shirt with a dog chain. May not be the coolest hard core thing to do, but I'm smoking less. I won't pretend for a second that's why I bought the dummy. I just want something to chew on without having to actually consume anything. Food bugs me.

Time for bed.

There's a potential scientific "woops" in France. There are bigger things in life to worry about, like the universe. Being swallowed up by an unintentionally man made black hole and spat out again as smaller than particles to make up a brand new galaxy. But there's no need to worry about it. Pleasant paradox.

Bed time.

Hoax or not. I like the idea.

Bed.

It's only effective as long as it's inforced by a dictatorship disguised as democracy, but I like Communism.

I don't care about politics.

I'm going to write something to her. Because.


ULtRa SoUnD Vrs Media Player ViSuAls.
on phone
dozy_wonderer

 

I want to add something to the background, Magic Mushrooms or Matrix Digits. Not to sure.. Suggestions?

 

EDIT:: With Matrix digits.

 


Just HAD to share....
on phone
dozy_wonderer

Shorty says:

Babe?

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

ello

Shorty says:

Hey. Is it cool if I ring Kambah house?

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

nah im going to go to bed soon

Shorty says:

Psh..Gay.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

dude im still sick

Shorty says:

Oh. Ok. Fair nugh.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

yeahh

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

test week starts tomorrow

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

i only have 2 tests

Shorty says:

Super gay.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

means i dont really have to be at school but i dont want to be at home soooo school and civic it is

Shorty says:

Lol. Sure I can't ring you just for a quick sec? *insomniac suffers*

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

just talk over here

Shorty says:

Meh. I don't want to look at the screen though. My eyes hurt.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

my head hurts all togeather hense the going to bed soon

Shorty says:

Yeh. Fair enough. *le sigh*

Shorty says:

Alan is a twat though.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

hahaha indeed he is

Shorty says:

I rang for info on general shit and he was "wank wank wank" and not helpful at all. Didn't say shit. Just, "Thanks for calling" THan damn near hung up on me.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

yeah his like that

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

discusting feril and just fagotish

Shorty says:

*shudders*

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

like i said if you and or mum arnt here i dont exist

Shorty says:

brb

Shorty says:

(I know)

Shorty says:

back

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

okk

Shorty says:

I know. He treats you like shit.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months sent 27/08/2008 11:39 p.m.:

the world knows that, i didnt get home till like 7 last night and he was only just calling to see where i was as i was comming in the door so he could go ouit

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months sent 27/08/2008 11:39 p.m.:

and i could babby sit

Shorty says:

Where was he going|?

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

to see mum

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

he gets anyed that i go see her after school

Shorty says:

Puh.

Shorty says:

WOT?

Shorty says:

Why?

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

cuz his a fag

Shorty says:

Mm.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

haha and it really anyed him that i knew that mum had gone in for a mri today and he didnt

Shorty says:

HAHAHAHA!

Shorty says:

Omg! I don't know why he insists on harrasing her! I mean, she gets so pissed off with him. I think she even thinks he's gross as all hell.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

she does think that, were you around when she made him stop walking around in his underwear?

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

best thing ever

Shorty says:

Excuse me while I die with laughter.........PffffBWAHAHAHAHAA!

Shorty says:

No. Wish I was.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

he came down stairs like he usaly did in his underwear, mum said somthing to him he stomped away and came down with shorts on

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

and she keeps getting shitty at him for his pumbers crak

Shorty says:

GOLD!

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

yep

Shorty says:

THAT'S HYSTERICAL!

Shorty says:

I'm still laughing.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

haha

Shorty says:

Very literally and loudly.

Shorty says:

*shakes head* Oh dear.....

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

haha yeah its quite amusing

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

but i need to go now

Shorty says:

Oh poo.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

dont poo at me girl

Shorty says:

I will poo you if I want to. *smirk*

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

haha oh somthing interesting

Shorty says:

Do tell?

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

the other day i got told that ok by one person 1- you dress all funny now like old like and less fun, and by another person 2- you haev matured really fast its really great to see

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

im like...ooookkk???

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

but i still haev to go now

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

tal laters

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

byeee

Shorty says:

Lol. I get the same comments. Have a good sleep babe.

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

yep

x X Miss Pixie X -ro-.....6 months says:

see you

Shorty says:

Noight.


Good grief.
Friends/happiness/fun
dozy_wonderer

I'm sick.
Got the flu.

Recieved the most excellent present EVER. Ash and Lily rang me. Fucking JOY. I was all, feeling  a little bit loved right now. It was as if someone had given me a box of shiny and inside were words and verbal hugs and love and appreciation for my existance! It was like ... Wow.... I'm totally knocked over here.

I miss you two a whole helluva lot. Thank you so much for ringing me. I appreciate it.  


Returned.
on phone
dozy_wonderer
I'm back now. Got all your comments. Got your e-mail Ash. Will reply when I can. Hopefully tomorow, but who can say? Things do occur.

Other than that, I spent the last week in Motueka with Charlie. My kilt pin got infected and gross. I smoked some pot with Charlie and her mate Paul, and got drunk, and sat in the lounge-room with my head as close to the speakers immiting music as I could and grooved out. Y'know the Simion and Garfunkal song, Feeling Groovey? That's awesome. I should learn to play it. Fracking cool nana's. 

I'm all medicated now. So am tired. So am going to bed.

Night folks. 

 

Busy monkey me.
on phone
dozy_wonderer

I'm going to be pretty busy all this week. Going places. Seeing people. Doing things. Will make phone calls and check e-mails on return.

Dear Rai.
My e-mail may have changed since you last knew.

squee43@yahoo.co.nz



Love all of you people.


When I try to live without drugs,
on phone
dozy_wonderer
I realise how lonely I am.  

I know damn well,

that's why I keep going back to it.

It's strange, that even though I could kill myself everytime I get high, I'll continue to anyway.
The major bummer I suppose, is that if I met someone who would keep me company, it would be to late. I wouldn't stop drugs. Slow down maybe, but I can't stop.

I've already eaten myself alive. 


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