dozy_wonderer

The closest I got to it was nibbling on the cord from my hooded jumpers, and chewing holes in my sleeves. That started when my mother married again. Than it changed to biting my nails. Now my guitar keeps my nails short. And there's usually blood spatters on the body and strings.

I should clean that off at some point.

Today I invested in a dummy. I attached it to my shirt with a dog chain. May not be the coolest hard core thing to do, but I'm smoking less. I won't pretend for a second that's why I bought the dummy. I just want something to chew on without having to actually consume anything. Food bugs me.

Time for bed.

There's a potential scientific "woops" in France. There are bigger things in life to worry about, like the universe. Being swallowed up by an unintentionally man made black hole and spat out again as smaller than particles to make up a brand new galaxy. But there's no need to worry about it. Pleasant paradox.

Bed time.

Hoax or not. I like the idea.

Bed.

It's only effective as long as it's inforced by a dictatorship disguised as democracy, but I like Communism.

I don't care about politics.

I'm going to write something to her. Because.

I want to add something to the background, Magic Mushrooms or Matrix Digits. Not to sure.. Suggestions?

EDIT:: With Matrix digits.

I'm sick.
Got the flu.

Recieved the most excellent present EVER. Ash and Lily rang me. Fucking JOY. I was all, feeling  a little bit loved right now. It was as if someone had given me a box of shiny and inside were words and verbal hugs and love and appreciation for my existance! It was like ... Wow.... I'm totally knocked over here.

I miss you two a whole helluva lot. Thank you so much for ringing me. I appreciate it.  

I'm going to be pretty busy all this week. Going places. Seeing people. Doing things. Will make phone calls and check e-mails on return.

Dear Rai.
My e-mail may have changed since you last knew.

squee43@yahoo.co.nz



Love all of you people.

I fully intend on returning to Australia after I finish at Te Whare, after which I will have to sort out a job or benifet or something. Some sort of income at any rate. Any takers on a flatmate next year? I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't mind that but just in case something goes wrong I need a back up plan.

The plan is this,

* Go back to Canberra.
* Spend time with siblings while saving up some coin.
* Sort out student allowance.
* Go to Sydney.
* Get educated in all things music for a year.
* Audition for NIDA.
* Spend at least five years studying.
* Hit Cruise Control. 

* Make new plan.

Next week I'm putting a deposit on an Electric guitar with amp and backup set of strings. After that I plan on fixing my currant guitar and busking to finish paying back Angie. As i improve I'll probably busk every weekend and not stop until I make $100 a day. Travel as required. 

I just went to the local Work Centre to see what I.T courses I can do so I can get a decent job, but I'm one year over age to count as youth and get the course, and I'm on the wrong benifet. I need to be on the Invalids Benifet in order to qualify and I'm only on Sickness Benifet.

Lame. Poo. Stinky.

So with no skills other than flipping burgers at Mc'Crappa's (which I'm NEVER doing again), I have no choice than to shark in on the guitar and make monney that way. Which doesn't strike me as so bad because at least I'll be in the open and can count on breathing semi-polluted-fresher-than-office-recycled air. 

And I'll be able to keep the benifet because the government won't know about that extra bit of income. The cash will come in handy me thinks. Gods I need it.

I'll keep you up to date on progress. For now, back to Space Invaders. 
 

Peircing again. I did it myself. Than sent to my mother. And got a giggle out of the deal. *snigger*



Love you Ash. Sorry I couldn't be much help when you rang.

They can't spell, they don't have an intellegible vocabulary, what can be abreviated is abreviated and no one actually remembers what they're talking about. This is fine on blogs as they are a personal depiction of somebody's life, veiwed by people who give a damn, but when morons hit the forums I want to scream. Supposedly intellegent people are voicing their perfectly valid oppinions on perfectly viable forum posts with occasionally, not the most litigimate or comprehendible topics. 95% of the time, none of these posts to forums about "issues that concern the general public"  are spell-checked. Surely in order to be taken seriously people would take the time to think their point through before submitting it into a forum expecting well considered responses in reply to the gargantuous amount of crap.

Apparently not.

Why o why do stupid and/or uneducated people plague the net with their conceptual inequities?

To be entirely hypocritical on the matter of stupidity though, *sigh*.... After seven months of not being on any drug I blew it last night. I had a choof or five with my next door neighbour and the real kicker is that today I feel so calm. Mindful of the worlds idiosyncrasies and blatant abuse of the dictionary, but calm. It's a kicker because I have been so unbelievably tense lately, becoming more and more bitter with the feeling of loss intensifying every day. Being broke and having extreemly little contact with old friends has a lot to do with it but I was beggining to lose hope that I would return. I wasn't suicidle or anything, just increasingly scared and stressed.

Than last night I had some pot and it all feels ok. Everything is clear. I know what I'm doing now. Yes, I'm spacing out a lot and focuss is a wee bit out the window but that's ok. Paradoxically, that is exactly what is not okay. I just worry over the fact that I can't be calm on my own. I can't relax and feel truly in control unless I'm high. I'm just dissapointed that I'm such a weak person.

Not sad - Just dissapointed.

So, stress and boredom in exchange for weed and calm.....Fair trade?



Love Ash. Hope you're well.

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9Xea1OfMYdM&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9Xea1OfMYdM&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>