Lead me not into temptation I can find it myself.

We'll go to hell for this but at least we had a good time.

You've heard it all before.
on phone

I fully intend on returning to Australia after I finish at Te Whare, after which I will have to sort out a job or benifet or something. Some sort of income at any rate. Any takers on a flatmate next year? I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't mind that but just in case something goes wrong I need a back up plan.

The plan is this,

* Go back to Canberra.
* Spend time with siblings while saving up some coin.
* Sort out student allowance.
* Go to Sydney.
* Get educated in all things music for a year.
* Audition for NIDA.
* Spend at least five years studying.
* Hit Cruise Control. 

* Make new plan.

Next week I'm putting a deposit on an Electric guitar with amp and backup set of strings. After that I plan on fixing my currant guitar and busking to finish paying back Angie. As i improve I'll probably busk every weekend and not stop until I make $100 a day. Travel as required. 

I just went to the local Work Centre to see what I.T courses I can do so I can get a decent job, but I'm one year over age to count as youth and get the course, and I'm on the wrong benifet. I need to be on the Invalids Benifet in order to qualify and I'm only on Sickness Benifet.

Lame. Poo. Stinky.

So with no skills other than flipping burgers at Mc'Crappa's (which I'm NEVER doing again), I have no choice than to shark in on the guitar and make monney that way. Which doesn't strike me as so bad because at least I'll be in the open and can count on breathing semi-polluted-fresher-than-office-recycled air. 

And I'll be able to keep the benifet because the government won't know about that extra bit of income. The cash will come in handy me thinks. Gods I need it.

I'll keep you up to date on progress. For now, back to Space Invaders. 

X-posted to www.myspace.com/veritablechaos

In a month.
I will.
Electric guitar.
With amp.
And because I'm sensible.
A backup set of strings.
I can Lay buy it.
It is organised.
Because I am in small town.
I can pay deposit by personal check.
All that is left to do now. 
Is pick a colour.


EDIT:: Fark. I'm going to have to go to Nelson to scrutinize colours and lay deposit. The website is gay.
Will also paruse keyboards. Aunty Hellen doesn't know, but because i'm "insane" she's paying for my instruments.  Yay for the benifet. Yes, I do feel like a bum. But hey, mostly I am a bum so that's cool wiiiiiith me.

Far out I can write a lot of rubbish.
on phone
But if you're looking for more www.myspace.com/veritablechaos is full of more resent (Oh help. Spelling atrocious)  stuff.

Sorry about the Lj absence. Been pre-occupied. 

Mr Ash - I'm here and paying attention to you. Don't ever think I've forgotten you.
You have my e-mail, I have yours, don't throw away my memory, because I'm keeping yours.
I will see you and your beautiful lover again one day. I wish I could say sooner rather than later but i can't garantee a damn thing.
I feel I've become a ghost to you. I'm so deeply sorry.
You've always meant so much to me.

I'll see you.


(no subject)

I found the exact words from Kevin Rudds official appology to the Aboriginals. Thought you might be interested if you haven't already looked it up yourself.

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd's apology motion has been tabled in Parliament:

Dear Ash.
I'm okay man. Seriously. Very well. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I just worry about you sometimes. Actually particularly now. I miss you too, why are you so sad?

Love K

Thank you for smiling.
Wtf mate?
On lies.

I'm a little bit worried about how much my family lies. Everything about my family history is nowhere to be found on such wonderous websites like WIKIPEDIA (love for Wikipedia), and there is nothing about anything in any of the english history books that i've been cruising here at the library. It's only odd because according to my mother, grandmother, aunt and uncle. I think that for people who babble insescantly about how deluded and vague I am they need a reality check themselves. No folks, despite your claims, it appears that the world has no knowledge of our distant relatives being royalty.

Things that make you go hmmmmm.....

On annoying lesbians.

I give up on the gay niche. The only gays who never give me any problems are gay men. Lesbians however, are another story. Either they find it difficult to comprahend that as a culture we are no more "special" than everybody else, or,  they are so intraverted and sexually driven it's only a pure and egomaniacal impulse to flirt with any and every lesbian. Just because you're a lesbian does. Not. Mean. That you must. Be. Attracted. To. Every. Single. Dyke.

I met a girl who was busking yesterday with a couple of her friends and because I didn't have any change I gave them a few smokes. This of course, as it does, inspired a conversation which took an unexpected turn when one of them asked, "So you're gay right?"
"Yeh - Um. How'd you know?"
"The short hair."

I swollowed the urge to puke up a big ball of rage and managed to reply (very) civily, "Yay for generalisations." And move the conversation back to the finer details of guitar work, and good music of right now. I know plenty of lesbians with fabulous long hair, why must the term Lesbian only be an auxiliary to short hair and an attitude problem?  On second thought, considering the behavioral patterns of lesbians fitting that description it's not a surprise, just thoroughly embarrasing for the rest of us.

Recent events.

According to some crack survey by university students, Nelson is the happiest city in New Zealand. If that's the case, New Zealand is full of more grumps than I could have imagined. Lol.


on phone
This is for all_unwritten. Under the cut is my proposed submission. Please comment?

Anybody else who could be bothered to slog through that, comments are very much appreciated.

on phone

Peircing again. I did it myself. Than sent to my mother. And got a giggle out of the deal. *snigger*

Love you Ash. Sorry I couldn't be much help when you rang.

Morons on forums.
Wtf mate?

They can't spell, they don't have an intellegible vocabulary, what can be abreviated is abreviated and no one actually remembers what they're talking about. This is fine on blogs as they are a personal depiction of somebody's life, veiwed by people who give a damn, but when morons hit the forums I want to scream. Supposedly intellegent people are voicing their perfectly valid oppinions on perfectly viable forum posts with occasionally, not the most litigimate or comprehendible topics. 95% of the time, none of these posts to forums about "issues that concern the general public"  are spell-checked. Surely in order to be taken seriously people would take the time to think their point through before submitting it into a forum expecting well considered responses in reply to the gargantuous amount of crap.

Apparently not.

Why o why do stupid and/or uneducated people plague the net with their conceptual inequities?

To be entirely hypocritical on the matter of stupidity though, *sigh*.... After seven months of not being on any drug I blew it last night. I had a choof or five with my next door neighbour and the real kicker is that today I feel so calm. Mindful of the worlds idiosyncrasies and blatant abuse of the dictionary, but calm. It's a kicker because I have been so unbelievably tense lately, becoming more and more bitter with the feeling of loss intensifying every day. Being broke and having extreemly little contact with old friends has a lot to do with it but I was beggining to lose hope that I would return. I wasn't suicidle or anything, just increasingly scared and stressed.

Than last night I had some pot and it all feels ok. Everything is clear. I know what I'm doing now. Yes, I'm spacing out a lot and focuss is a wee bit out the window but that's ok. Paradoxically, that is exactly what is not okay. I just worry over the fact that I can't be calm on my own. I can't relax and feel truly in control unless I'm high. I'm just dissapointed that I'm such a weak person.

Not sad - Just dissapointed.

So, stress and boredom in exchange for weed and calm.....Fair trade?

Love Ash. Hope you're well.

Happy birthday to me.
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(no subject)
on phone
 untitled-5.jpg If you have the balls, I dare you to fear me. picture by Katherinemirage


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